


Slow

by cinnamuntoast



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Love is complicated, M/M, and it all works out in the end, sad at first but
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 11:02:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5866858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinnamuntoast/pseuds/cinnamuntoast
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kageyama doesn't move when Hinata pulls him down, pushing their lips together in a fumbled way that just screams Hinata. He is frozen in everything that has happened and he watches Hinata pull away and jump onto his bike with no words, just Hinata, Hinata, Hinata repeating in his head.<br/>or: Love is a confusing thing and both Hinata and Kageyama are pretty clueless to begin with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Slow

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Kagehina fic. I hope I did the fandom justice.

They’re walking home, and everything is fine.

Kageyama has his hands in his pockets, and Hinata is walking beside him with his bike on his opposite side, knuckles white as they clench the handlebars of the bicycle. Kageyama talks about a new toss he wants to try, and Hinata tries his hardest to listen and pay attention, but all he can focus on is the way Kageyama’s lips move and how his eyes graze over Hinata before he's scowling.

“Are you even listening?” He snaps, glaring at Hinata. He jumps a bit at Kageyama’s outburst and quickly changes his focus to the road ahead of them.

Okay, maybe it isn’t fine.

But with Kageyama going back to talking about the recent volleyball game he watched on TV and inserting yells at Hinata to pay attention, it’s hard to see. Because it looks normal, and it should  _ feel _ normal, but for Hinata, who (for some reason unknown to even him) has butterflies in his stomach and feels sweaty and hot and bothered, it’s really hard to focus.

He doesn’t know when it started, these weird episodes of him acting all weird around Kageyama, pushing down urges that he tried so hard to ignore. Hinata would pinch himself if it got too bad, like if his stare lingered on Kageyama’s lips for more than seven seconds. Pinch. Or if he daydreamed of Kageyama holding his hand. Pinch. Or if he woke up with cloudy eyes and leftover memories of dreams of Kageyama on top of him, his hands in places they shouldn't be and- Pinch, pinch, pinch.

Hinata didn’t really pay these things any mind, most of the time at least. This was normal, right? To look at someone you're close with and think these things. Besides, it wasn’t like it was going to last forever. No, this would pass, Hinata was sure of it.

|||

It wasn’t passing.

If anything, it was getting worse.

All Hinata feels is that feeling, the one in his chest and stomach that makes him warm and tingly, goosebumps rising on his arms and chills running down his back. It only happens when Kageyama gives him a rare compliment, or bumps into him by accident when they’re walking together, or passes Hinata his drink so he can take a small sip out of it. Hinata is so caught up in trying to ignore whatever this is that he is zoned out almost the entire time during practice, and everyone is starting to notice, especially Kageyama.

“Oi, what’s wrong with you today?” Kageyama grumbles like he usually does, squatting down to sit next to Hinata on the gym floor while they take a five-minute break. Hinata breathes in deeply, forcing out nervous laughter.

“Nothing, Kageyama, don’t be so worried.” He manages a smile, patting Kageyama on his shoulder a bit awkwardly before looking up at his face. Kageyama’s face is an expression that Hinata hasn’t seen often. His eyes are narrowed and his lips are slightly parted (Hinata really wants to reach out and touch them)(He pinches his side). Kageyama doesn’t believe him, Hinata realizes with a gulp, and he starts to scoot away, shaking his head. “I’m serious, Kageyama, I’m fine.”

“Then why are you moving away?” He asks, standing up to his full height and Hinata feels so small, like all it would take is one step for Kageyama to crush him and for everything to spill out- the butterflies and the emotions that he’s building up; thinking about them is making them boil beneath his skin and Hinata just wants to shout it all out, shout everything to Kageyama and tell him that it’s all his fault, all his fucking fault.

But he can’t. That’s what kills him. That’s what makes him swallow his words like daggers down his throat, that’s why he wishes he could hold his breath to suffocate the butterflies in his stomach, and to stop his heart from beating so fast when Kageyama approaches him, hand outstretched to help Hinata up. He wants to grab it with everything he has. He wants to hold on and never let go because that hand should be his anchor, just like it has been for so many months. He wants to hold on and spill his guts out on the gym floor beneath him. The hand is right in front of him and everything inside is screaming for him to reach out too.

He doesn’t.

Instead he pushes up onto his feet by himself and walks back onto the court for practice.

Kageyama doesn’t toss to him for the rest of practice, and Hinata doesn't complain.

|||

The rest of the team is worrying. They don’t sit next to each other during practice, and during games, they rarely communicate. Their moves are robotic, and when Hinata completes the special quick they had worked on for months, Kageyama doesn’t even bat an eye. Neither does Hinata. They just stare each other down, eyes devoid of anything before they walk off the court, silent while everyone else is shouting in victory.

Nishinoya tries to talk to Hinata, to get an explanation as to why they aren’t… anything anymore. He even offers Hinata a meatbun if he would just explain what went wrong, or ask someone else for advice. Hinata just shakes his head and gets on the bus, where he sits in the back, alone.

Kageyama is no different. 

Tanaka corners him in the changing room, his aura dark and evil, demanding to know why Hinata isn’t that bundle of joy that he was when he first walked into the gym. Kageyama shrugs.

“I didn’t do anything. If I did, he can tell me, but he won’t speak to me, so whatever it is, it’s his problem.”

What Kageyama doesn't say, however, is how much it pisses him off to see Hinata caving in, burying himself in whatever it is that is bothering him. To say that would mean that he could do more and that he isn’t. Kageyama isn’t one to believe in second chances, and if someone doesn't take his offer, then he will gladly leave them behind, but when it comes to Hinata, Kageyama finds himself wanting to give him all the chances in the world. He doesn't know what it means, maybe it’s just close friendship or a teammate thing, but whatever it is, sometimes it fills his stomach with a weird type of nervousness and leaves him stuttering and struggling to make sense of everything he is feeling. 

“Captain has noticed it too, ya know,” Tanaka says, looking at Kageyama’s reaction through the corner of his eye. Kageyama’s mouth goes dry. “Find out what’s been going on, Kageyama, otherwise he might make you both sit out until you solve it.” And Tanaka’s right, because it happened before when they got into a stupid argument over who stole who’s math homework. With that, Tanaka gives Kageyama a pat on the shoulder and walks away, the changing room door swinging behind him as Kageyama stands there, frozen as he thinks of how in the hell he will get Hinata to speak to him.

|||

“I’m sorry!”

Hinata turns, already petrified with what he knows he will see when he turns around. There, in all his glory, is Kageyama, bowing with his head lower than it should be, and Hinata can see the tips of his ears and how red they are. Hinata stumbles over the words to say, but nothing comes out. His heart is pounding in his chest and everyone is looking at him and why is Kageyama so stupid to walk into his first class and do this in front of everyone?

“W-wha-”

“I apologize for what I did wrong.” Kageyama announces. Hinata rushes forward and tries to push Kageyama out of the room, into the hallway where no one else can stare at them any more than they already are. But Kageyama is rock solid, and Hinata even tries to pry his shoulders up to stop him from bowing; it doesn't work.

“Kageyama, you idiot, get up!” Hinata hisses. His face is bright red and his heart is pounding in his chest and he doesn't know why, because usually he only gets like this when Kageyama is nice to him or does stuff for him, or tosses to him. 

“Not until you accept my apology.” Kageyama says simply, lowering his head more and Hinata swears he could die right there because everyone is looking at him and it's making him feel so uncomfortable.

“Fine! Kageyama, I accept your apology. Now get up, you idiot!” Hinata squeaks, giving one last shove. It works, and Kageyama stands up straight and looks just about as flustered as Hinata. Unlike Hinata, though, he composes himself in a second. He looks around the classroom, and the girls giggling and the boys giving them weird looks or shocked ones. Then he looks at Hinata, who is staring at him with a red face and wise eyes, lips trembling and his hands shaking as he takes a step back. Kageyama grabs Hinata’s hand before he can move and pulls him out of the classroom. 

Hinata stumbles after Kageyama as he is dragged into the hallway, the classroom door slamming shut behind them. Immediately, he rips out of Kageyama’s tight grasp, rubbing his wrist.

“What was that for? You can't just barge into a classroom and do that!” Hinata yells, but it's a whisper-yell, so only Kageyama can hear and no one inside the classroom.

“Well you obviously weren't going to speak with me until I said I was sorry!” Kageyama whispers back, glaring at Hinata.

“Yeah, I wasn't. And you wanna know why? Because everything you do just-” Hinata cuts himself off, his shout dying down. “It just-” he can't even speak because that's what it does. Kageyama makes him breathless and unable to move or do anything like Hinata has to take in everything he does.

“What does it do?” Kageyama asks, stepping forward. Hinata doesn't answer, just clenches his fists as he feels everything boil up in his stomach, and when Kageyama is leaning down to meet his eyes, he is filled with a burst of adrenaline, and his entire body screaming at him to do something, anything, and his mind wanting him to lean forward and _kiss him_ and- he punches him, right in the stomach.

Kageyama lurches forward, clenching his stomach and looking up just in time to see a teary-eyed Hinata run away. He watches him sprint down the hallway and turn the corner and then he's gone, and Kageyama is left with a bruising stomach and an aching heart.

|||

Hinata gets a call from Tanaka telling him that he has to come to practice early tomorrow. So he does, and the moment he walks into the changing room, there's a yell of protests and a door slamming and locking. Hinata feels someone bump into him from behind, and he yelps, jumping high into the air and turning around with his hands held out in front of him in a defensive way.

“Going to punch me again, dumbass?” Kageyama asks, looking at Hinata with a bored expression. Hinata gulps and lowers his arms, looking down. He wants to say something, but he can't. It would hurt more than the punch to the gut, probably.

“Figure it out, guys!” Nishinoya shouts from the gym, and Hinata's face becomes red. He knows why he was called in here, and why he is now locked in the changing room with Kageyama. Because this is what they think will help, locking them together until they find a solution. They don't know that the only solution is what Hinata was doing previously, distancing himself so he wouldn't feel his heart pound like it did whenever Kageyama was near. It was so wrong, he had convinced himself, so so wrong to feel this way and he knew Kageyama would hate him if he knew.

Hinata would be left alone and with nothing in this world, so the only way for him to not get hurt was simple. He had to leave first.

They hear the echo of the gym doors shutting, which means that they are completely alone. Hinata is still looking up at Kageyama with a shocked face, and neither of them speaks.

“I'm sorry,” Kageyama says finally, and Hinata hates him so much but that's a lie because even those words send him soaring up into the sky. He feels weightless.

“Why?” Hinata asks quietly, and Kageyama is surprised that he didn't get punched in the stomach (again). “Why are you sorry when you don't even know what you do?”

Kageyama gulps and looks at Hinata, who has his head lowered and arms tight by his side. Kageyama shrugs.

“If I'm doing something wrong, just tell me,” he says, his tone gentle because he knows now that being brash will get him nowhere. Hinata keeps himself closed up and Kageyama will go through forests to find out what was bothering him; he does it because that's what teammates are for, that's what partners do. They search and search for each other and once they are both found, they can survive together. Kageyama thought that he and Hinata were surviving, but maybe he was wrong. Maybe they hadn't even searched for each other yet.

Hinata is silent, and so Kageyama takes a step forward. And another. And another. And another until Hinata is against his chest and squeezing Kageyama so tightly that he’s afraid to breathe because he might crack his ribs. He lets Hinata hug him and pretends he doesn't feel the wet tears seeping into his shirt because that's what he would want, and he gives Hinata the same respect he would want himself. He lets Hinata cry and cry and cry until all there is left is nothing, just a trembling boy holding onto the closest thing.

“Better?” Kageyama asks, hesitantly patting Hinata’s head. Hinata doesn't move. Neither does Kageyama.

They stay like that until they hear the click of the doors, Nishinoya and Tanaka peeking their heads in only to see Hinata still clutching Kageyama, his feet sore and stiff from standing the same way for too long.

They walk home together, and Kageyama lets Hinata stay pressed up against his side the entire time, even though they do get a few weird looks from people that they pass. And when they are about to part ways, Kageyama doesn't move when Hinata pulls him down, pushing their lips together in a fumbled way that just screams Hinata. He is frozen in everything that has happened that he watches Hinata pull away and jump on his bike with no words, just Hinata, Hinata, Hinata repeating in his head.

|||

Hinata expects a million angry calls, or texts, or even emails from Kageyama. He is so prepared to be hated forever, to never get tossed to again that it scares him. He comes home feeling empty, and even though it’s strange, it’s comforting, because these past months he has been filled with everything Kageyama and he was finally ridden of it. 

The call comes at night. Hinata is reading Natsu a book, something about a princess who is trying to find her prince when the loud and obnoxious ringtone comes from his room. He freezes, and doesn’t move for a good two seconds before his mother is yelling at him to answer the phone and Hinata is jumping up and abandoning the book and a very tired Natsu, running to his room and picking up the phone right before the last ring.

“Hello?” He asks, panting into the phone from running all the way to his room.

“Come outside.”

It’s Kageyama. Of course, at nine at night, it’s Kageyama, telling him to come outside because he probably wants to kill Hinata in front of his house because Hinata kissed him.

Hinata hears the click of Kageyama hanging up on him, and he struggles to breathe as he pushes his feet into his sneakers by the door, grabbing his sweatshirt from off the hook and slipping it on quietly before opening the door and walking outside.

There, on the street in front of his home, is Kageyama, standing rigid and still as Hinata takes a deep breath and closes the door gently behind him. He stays where he is, before approaching Kageyama timidly, biting his lip. The nothing that he was once full of is now gone, because now all he feels is spiders crawling on his arms and his stomach churning with nervousness, and the heat he felt when he kissed Kageyama. When he kissed Kageyama. Funny how he just realizes it now in full force.

Hinata struggles to say something, anything, but words fail him as Kageyama comes forward, his face red and looking nervous. It is not a look that suits him. Soon Kageyama is right in front of him, and Hinata feels as small as he did that day in the gym when he was coming to terms with how he felt, with how horrible he was to fall in love with his best friend. He feels so tiny, even when Kageyama reaches forward and grabs his hand, his thumb smoothing the warm skin of Hinata’s.

Hinata breathes in, and just in time too, because Kageyama is bending down and placing his lips over Hinata’s so slowly and it burns, it really does. It burns like the way it always has when Hinata thought of this, except now it’s real, and he pinches himself, not because he did something wrong, something bad, but because he did something so good he wants to know if he’s dreaming or not.

He isn’t.

|||

They figure out their problems slowly.

Kissing helps a little when they apologize. Okay, it helps a lot, but they don't say it. They don’t need to.

Hinata says he’s sorry for punching Kageyama that one day. He kisses his stomach too, to make sure that it’s okay.

Kageyama says he’s sorry for embarrassing him in class. He kisses his cheeks, because he remembers how flushed they were.

They continue like that, in Kageyama’s house after school next week, until Hinata is tired and sleepy, his head on Kageyama’s chest as they sit on the couch.

“One more,” Kageyama says softly, pushing Hinata so he lays down on the couch. Hinata is too tired to protest Kageyama lifting his shirt, but he does gasp when Kageyama kisses right over his heart. 

“Sorry for hurting you there,” Kageyama whispers, and Hinata stares up at ceiling in a daze as Kageyama kisses him there over, and over, and over again.

Yes, they are figuring things out. Slowly.


End file.
